In Which They Hold On For Just A Minute More

Season 5, Episode 17
The Death of the Queen Bee


So, once I stopped flipping my shit over 5.16, I had this legitimate fear that the angst/sad factor would go up by 100 afterward, that all their little things before, all their touches and discussions and whatnot that used to be cute before when it was all “OMG, THEY ARE SO IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT THEY JUST DON'T KNOW IT!! <3” would now be just sad and angsty, since they just had this huge seemingly bridge-burning THING happen that kind of made the whole “OH THEY JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET LOL” thing kind of impossible now.



And as much as I was dreading it, I wouldn't want it any other way, because any other way would seem not believable to me.



And, it kind of did end up that way, but kind of not. Basically, it wasn't as angsty/sad as I expected, but there were definitely parts.



There's something I need to address before I start with this episode though, and that's about how the hell they can even be standing after what happened at the end of the last episode.



Basic answer: their coping mechanisms are running like crazy. Booth's is fairly simple: he's trying to keep a hold of the little bits of pride he has left (more on that later). Bones' is more complicated, especially in the episode after this, when she's around Andrew and flirting with him again.



BOOTH: Alright, I get it. Alright, Sweets. I respect that but you know what? I've moved on. I already even have a date for next week.



Hmm, they decided to go the “doesn't give himself nearly enough time truly get past it” route.



Which, as most things do, makes complete sense. From when she says “don't look so sad” to him in 5.16, his pride is positively DEMOLISHED, and he's trying to gain it back by jumping straight into the dating pool, almost to pretend like it didn't even happen (I'll elaborate more on this with a quote later in the his episode).



BRAD: Ah, Brad Benson. Julie Coyle. So you guys have any kids yet?

BOOTH: Oh, no. Not yet but we want a house full, right?

BRENNAN: Yes. We have intercourse every chance we get.

BOOTH: Wow. Ah, yeah. I mean, all over the place.

I just love any time she says “intercourse”. It's so hilariously awkward.



BOOTH: (hesitantly) Oh, I just don't want any misunderstandings, here, that's all, Bones. I mean, ya know, we, uh, opened a door that neither one of us wants to walk though.



Ok, guess that “late quote” I was talking about wasn't as “later” as I thought.
Here's the deal: his pride is pretty much demolished. After she says “don't look so sad” - Booth's lion manly pride is deathly injured. Him, sad? No, no, he can't let her see him sad, he thinks. He's ended up in a situation he never wanted to be in. And it goes even farther back to the whole “YOU'RE the one that needs protecting, from me” part of that conversation. She has basically told him that his whole White Knight “mission” is in vain. The knight has been stripped of his armor. And that is just too much for him to handle. So, right after she says “don't look so sad”, he goes “you're right, you're right”, even though she isn't. And he knows it. But he simply doesn't have any residual pride left to take the risk of trying to convince her she's not right – he has to salvage what's left. So, he tells her she's right. He's already made a date with someone. He claims that “neither one of them” wants to walk through the door HE opened (and he tries to salvage it even more by saying THEY opened the door).



And this is why it's going to have to be Brennan to initiate any kind of relationship/love thing with them in the future (unless it's VERY far in the future), it's what the ball is now in her court. He doesn't have enough pride in relation to her left, not even confidence in relation to them anymore. It's up to her.



BRENNAN: I know. I- I just was asking to dance. Because I remembered the song. I'm sorry.



And see, she doesn't quite get that things can't be exactly like they were before, because she doesn't quite get emotional implications. They can't go on with their “surrogate relationship” in its purest form like before, because he put himself out there, and things were said, and she turned him down. I think it'll take her awhile really to understand that it will never be exactly like before... (spoilers from season six promo, highlight to see: and I think she'll finally really start to understand that fact once Hannah is around for a little while.



(Mr. Buxley is near a rope and takes the knife and cuts it. Stars come down from the ceiling and everyone applauds.)

BOOTH: (looking at the stars) That is so cool. (he looks at Brennan) Bones, you're tearing up.

BRENNAN: This is the prom that I never got to go to.

(Booth smiles and moves towards Brennan, she moves in close and wraps her arms around his neck and places her head on his shoulder. At first, Booth is surprised but accepts the dance. They both seem apprehensive at first but after a few seconds, they both look content; happy to be there, dancing together and for those few moments, everything is how it should (could) be.)

Oh, fan-written stage directions. I love it when you are SO correct.



This right here, is nearly as sad as her turning him down last episode. Not quite as sob-worthy as that was, but lord, does it tug at the heartstrings, because it's the first taste of that post-”event” (that's what I'm calling it now - “the event”) sadness; something that would have been cute and all “awwww omg how can they not know their feelings for each other?!?!” had the event not happened is now a bit sad and very poignant. Of course, the poignancy is what makes it so riveting to watch, even though there's that lace of sadness in there too. The way she goes immediately to him when he gives her the physical “ok” to dance closely and straight-away wraps herself around him and rests her head on his shoulder... she this is just it; she doesn't understand that things can't be the same. She can't quite discern that that, them dancing like that together, is something that normally indicates love. Because she only recently even believed in love. She doesn't yet know exactly what determines it and what doesn't. She doesn't understand that so much of what they did does determine “love”. All she knows it as is, well, what she and Booth do. And the look on his face at first... he knows this. And that's why he looks uncomfortable; because he IS. Because he doesn't want to feel this way anymore, because she turned him down, and he has hardly any pride left. And this is not helping. He is not helping her figure out just what “love” is, and he's not helping himself get over her.

But in that moment, he just can't resist it. It's almost as though they're trying to hang on to the last bits of what they had before, even though in reality, it's gone, and it won't be back entirely until they get together. And then his face morphs into the slightest of smiles. Just for now, just for that moment, they can be happy and content and dancing, closely, still who they were before.

And in a way, they still are, because their love never leaves. It gets moved and hidden away and rearranged, but they can never truly get rid of it.

And so they dance closely, as lovers do.

BOOTH: Look, they didn't dislike you, Bones, they just didn't understand you. That's a big difference.

BRENNAN: It didn't bother me. I found the reunion to be quite educational. And you were right. It was good to go back. It made me see how lucky I am. Now. This is what friendship is like; this table. I am very lucky.

HODGINS: Aww. Cheers!

This brings up an interesting idea, that relates back to the whole “Bones not being to discern love” thing: yes, the main reason she turned him down was because she doesn't think her heart is open enough and that she's terrified of love, but perhaps part of it was also that she was scared that they might lose what they had. Their working relationship was definitely on her mind; it was the first thing she mentioned when he said he wanted to give them a shot, and it was the first thing she mentioned after her turning him down was the final decision (for the moment). But along with that was they already had. Since she can't exactly figure what constitutes “love”, perhaps she thought that they might lose a lot of what they already had, things that, in fact, they WON'T have now that she turned him down (like the dancing), but things she thought, from said lack of knowledge of what constitutes love and what doesn't, would be lost if they got together.



And perhaps part of it is for her fear of loosing the essence of the whole group, of the squint squad. Perhaps she's afraid getting together with Booth would change the dynamic in the group, which doesn't seem on the outside like a huge loss if it means she gets to be with Booth, but lest you forget, these people are her family. They were her ONLY family before she knew what happened to her parents and when she was estranged from Russ, and even though things are better in that department, 1) they're still the ones she sees on a daily basis, and 2) they were the ones who were there when her biological family wasn't. These people mean the absolute world to Brennan. And fear of losing that would add to all these fears she already has and make her even MORE inclined to run the opposite way from Booth when he says he wants to give them a shot.

AND ONE MORE PERHAPS: perhaps she also couldn't even allow herself to believe he loves her, or at least believe that he has feelings for her, because she is just SO scared of getting abandoned again and getting hurt again (that whole “if you hurt her, you'll break her for good” business Cam and Sweets were on about after Booth's coma). Perhaps she couldn't even deal with the possibility of getting hurt eventually by him, because deep down, she knows that were he to say he loves her, and then were he to go back on that, it would destroy her. She can't even let herself think he might love her.

I'm not saying all this is for sure. I'm just saying, perhaps.